There it is........

I have been struggling to put words to the various emotions I have been experiencing with regard to life, current events, etc.......

I could write about Standing Rock, because I am part Cherokee, part Passamaquoddy, and an earth conscious human being,  but instead I will send love to the situation, and continue to do my part.

I could write about my opinions on the changes and problems with our dysfunctional government, but instead I will keep my heart hopeful for appropriate change.

I could write about the progress of our boat project, but right now I have nothing nice to say about that, so instead I will pray for a beautiful completion followed by abundant catch.

I could write about my children, homeschool, chickens, or one of my many other passions, but instead I am inspired to write about one of my fathers.

 I received a phone call from one of my fathers recently. To many, this would seem like no big deal..........I am quite certain that this is about the THIRD time in my life that this father has called me of his own accord. This is always a BIG deal to me. As I answered the phone I expected to hear my other mother (she deserves more of a title than "stepmother", you will come to understand why) on the phone. So when I heard my father's voice I was surprised. Neither of us are really the sort to enjoy the telephone, so I don't hold that against him.

 This is a man that I did not know until I was 28. This is a man that I could waste my time being bitter toward, but instead am incredibly thankful for. This is a man that has served his country. This is a man who came from a broken home himself. This is a man that spent time as the oldest child, in a house of four children, with a single mother. This is a man that has watched two siblings fight and lose their battles with cancer. This is a man who has made some tough life choices along the way, choices that many are quick to pass judgement on, choices that........when I look into his eyes, I can see are eating him with guilt.

 This is a man that, for 28 years, was a total stranger to me. I knew only his name and a few other facts about him. I didn't even have a picture. This is a man that was a complete stranger, until......the immediate instant I looked into his eyes for the first time. In that moment, from way down deep in his soul, I saw myself. I found something I had only dreamt about. I found my missing piece.

 So, why was this phone call the catalyst for this post.......Well, I have three fathers. Somehow it was decided that, in this lifetime, I would have three fathers. Now, unfortunately, two of my three fathers are struggling with the grips of early onset dementia. I am equally saddened by the reality of each father's struggle. One of my fathers (the one that raised me) has battled mental health issues for most of my life. So in a sense I have been grieving his unavailability for years. My biological father has just recently started down this path of memory failure.

 Of course I love them both deeply,  but maybe you can see how there are different pieces of my heart that are sad for each one them.

 I have only had my biological father in my life for 9.5 years.........So, when he called me, distraught, repeatedly expressing his love for me and my children. Repeatedly telling me that he misses us. And then.........in tears, unable to carry on any further conversation.....between breaths apologizing for getting older and losing his memory......There it is. There is the consuming, raw, broken hearted emotion that I must write about.

 Why???? Why would this be the way that our story would turn out? Why would I wait so long to find him, and then lose him slowly to failing memory??

 Love your people with all of your heart. Forgive them and appreciate them right where they are.

Blessings to you all.

Thanks for reading,

Island Momma

I can't make this stuff up.....

Well, I have been planning this trip for a few months. This trip is.....emotional on many levels. The original reason for this trip sprouted from a desire to get some extra, long overdue time with one of my fathers. You see, I have three dads.....That is a VERY long story. So, for now I will keep this part of my adventure exclusive to the father that helped create me. I have known OF my father since I was 8 years old. However, our paths were not meant to cross until I was 28. So, I have only been lucky enough to know him personally for a little more than 9 years. This is a piece of my story that I am totally at peace with. I know that life is meant to be an adventure.

A few months ago his wife (one of my stepmothers) called to give me some unpleasant news. My father's well being has taken an unexpected turn. There may be a point in the nearer future, that my father's memory may really suffer. Given that I have only spent about.....2 weeks with him. total.....in my whole life......I was crushed to get this news, to say the least. We live several states apart, so in my heart I knew a trip had to happen.

Now, here is where the story gets even more interesting, exciting, crazy, and blessed......Are you ready???

While I was awaiting my departure date, organizing the schedule around a boat project, homeschool, a fishing schedule, five kids, and all that goes with this wild life, AND preparing myself to fly (I HATE FLYING)......Ready?? Right smack in the middle of it all: I got a new sister!! For real! A new little sister!

Now, I mean little sister, but not in the sense of an actual newborn baby sister. This little sister is 23. She was out there in the world, wondering who her family is. She was out there feeling the call to find us, and that is EXACTLY what she did!

Have I Iost you yet?

My family tree, well....it doesn't necessarily look like your typical image of a tree....

So, here I sit, waiting to board the plane. I am leaving my beautiful babies at home with daddy, to hold down the fort. I am boarding a plane, which is high on the list of my least-favorite-things-to-do! I am heading south to warmer weather, two of my parents, my Grandmother and my Papaw, southern comfort food, my brother and his beautiful family, cousins, and......for the first time ever in my life not one, but two sisters will be at my destination airport. That's right! My new little sister will be meeting me at the airport, with our other sister.

Together we will get four of my father's children in the same room, for the first time, EVER. For the first time EVER my new little sister gets to meet the family she had been searching for.

This trip is emotional like I said. I can't make this stuff up. How lucky am I to own this story and all the other wild pieces that go with it? Life is short. Try to enjoy the ride!

Blessings to you.

Thanks for reading,

Island Momma

All I can say is......"I have five kids!"

I have intended to write more often. I have planned to go to the beach more often (because when you are an island kid 3 or 4 times a week will not suffice). I have intended to shower more often, and walk more often, keep in touch more often, maybe drink wine more often, and on and on and on. I can pile the guilt onto myself like nobody's business. I must have hit the ground running as an infant because I have every intention of conquering the world EVERYDAY! I have set the bar too high for myself, I am aware of it, but I repeat the pattern time and again. Somewhere along the way I grabbed onto this idea that I have something to prove to everybody. This idea that I need to be more, do more, prove more. I am my own worst enemy. In my quest to do it all, and be it all, I have forgotten to breathe.

I am a fisherman's wife, homeschooling mother of 5, working on a blog, managing two Facebook pages, building an Essential Oil business, Reiki practitioner, studying AromaDance, starting an Etsy shop, blah blah blah. Regardless of how passionate I am about all of these endeavors, it will all mean jack shit if I do not slow down and breathe.

This week, when I answered the front door at 11:00 am, to greet complete strangers, in my pajamas, with my hair a mess, I simply said, "I have five children." I have decided that this is how I will respond to any questions from now on. That will be my excuse for everything......"I have five children!"

I received a phone call earlier in the week, regarding the health of one of my father's (I am a lucky girl, I have 3 dads, long story). He lives several states away, and I do not see him nearly enough. I was instantly reminded that the "busy-ness" that we let ourselves get wrapped up in is far less important than our health and our relationships. I, you, we all need to remember to breathe. We need to remember to connect with one another. Our next minute is not a guarantee.

I understand that we all have goals, passions, commitments, responsibilities, and chores that inevitably need tending to. However, take time to breathe. For me, when I stop to breathe and I smell that salty air or a beach rose, those are the moments I most connect with myself. Those are the moments I am reminded to be present and thankful to be here. So, if you happen to see a women in her pajamas, with wild hair, and maybe even a chicken under her arm, with her nose shoved in a rose bush near the sea.....Think to yourself, "Maybe she has five children."

Blessings to you.

Thanks for reading,

Island Momma

"The birds are chirping."

One of my sisters (I actually am not sure how many siblings I have, but that is a story for another day...), has made some life choices that have raked her over the coals. She has also been thrown some terrible hurdles. She has struggled an ongoing battle with alcohol, finding every Mr. Wrong who can't keep his hands to himself, and experiencing not one, but two still births. Through all of it, our relationship has been rocky to say the least, but we are sisters, and in our own dysfunctional way, we are best friends. I wish she loved herself as much as I love her. I think sometimes she may think my life is perfect, and I have got it all figured out.....Lately, that has been SO far from the truth. In all honesty I have nothing to complain about. I live in my own version of Paradise. I have a husband that loves me despite my difficult, stubborn, strong willed personality. I have five healthy, amazing, perfectly naughty kids. We have a stable life. We eat well. We know LOVE.

Here is the thing though. It is all relative. No matter what is happening on the outside, we all have our own battles on the inside. Our life experiences have led us to certain thought patterns, and we can be our own worst enemies. Lately, for me, I am driving myself nuts. I haven't been able to pull my thoughts together enough to even write a decent post.

You see, I have recently returned to my childhood home, my childhood neighborhood, my old stomping grounds, after 12 years living away. This is truly fantastic, a dream come true. Here is the thing though.....ALL of the ghosts from the past are creeping up on me. In this small community everyone knows everyone. We are a "drinking village with a fishing problem". As a community we have experienced much loss together. On my street alone we have lost three friends over the years. So, now that I am back, all of the familiarity is stirring up old memories, and I am processing these losses all over again in a sea of emotions.

Another challenge with all these memories of my youth.....is, well....memories of my youth. Memories made by a young, wild, free, independent island girl (not to be confused with any other young girl, because island girls are FAR more wild). That girl had far less responsibility. She had no children, chickens, or businesses to run.....And, she knew how to party.

Well, here I am, all grown up, being haunted by my past, being stalked by the voice of a younger me. All right in the middle of a really intense boat project. A boat project that is a financial strain. A boat project that leaves me with even less of my fisherman's time. A boat project that leaves me out numbered by little people for even more hours per day.

So, the more responsible, older me, is trying to figure out how to bring back some of the younger, wilder, more fun me......in some way that is congruent with raising five kids and building a business. I don't just want to be a mom. I don't just want to be a supportive fisherman's wife. Because, the truth is, even on a good day, my soul is being smothered.

The point of all of this rambling is this: today I ran away for a little while. I called my sister, and she said, "the birds are chirping." I called my sister, and she said, "I have softball practice." So, I ran away from home. I ran away from tension building between me and my husband. I ran away from being a mom. And.....I went all the way to watch my sister practice softball. I had time to breathe. I had time to think. I had time to sort it all out.

I came home with a new perspective. I came home knowing that I need to take a time out more often. I came home knowing that I am SUPER proud of my sister for getting back to her love of softball. She was right the birds were chirping.

Blessings to you.

Thanks for reading,

Island Momma

Doing it Our Way......

Everyday as a parent has challenges. No matter how many children you have, no matter where you live, whether you stay at home, work from home, or work outside of the home, parenting is THE TOUGHEST JOB EVER!! I am one of those extra nutty people who has opted to, not only forego a career using my Bachelor's degree, but to keep all five of my little horned-angels home to homeschool......Is it hard? You bet! Do I think about sending them to school sometimes? Sure thing, but guess what, I did, and we all hated it. That experience fell flat on its face, more than once. So, homeschool is just what we are most comfortable with. This is just what works best for us. We get up, without alarm clocks. We eat breakfast together, without being rushed. We all do chores and work together to keep the ship running smoothly. We learn side by side. We run our days on our time. If we are having an off day we adjust our plan accordingly. If our fishing Captain has unexpected free time we have family time.

It isn't always easy, in fact, it is mostly difficult. I wouldn't change it for the world. My children are only going to be children for a short time. I want to give them the best foundation they can have to become the people they really want to be. I want to use these young years to form great bonds with them. I want to foster their individual passions, teach them unconditional love, compassion for other beings, and help them to have an insatiable connection to nature.

So during our days together we learn the fundamentals of reading, writing, and math through art, and storytelling and hands on real life experience. We learn about compassion through caring for our pets and working through challenging family dynamics. Our days may not always be pretty, but they are real.

When we get to share extraordinary moments together, that they would miss out on in a classroom, it is all worth it. Today had a notable moment such as this.........

We woke to an unseasonably warm February day. We made it through breakfast and chores, and even bath time. Then we leashed up our youngest dog, Ruby, our extra motivated, extra strong, extra big for her age, 3 month old, black lab, and headed for the beach. One dog pulling me down the road, one baby on my back, and four big kids (3.5 to 9.5 years old), and to the shore we went.

Last year around this time we were buried in at least 6.5 feet of snow on an outer Maine island. I can't remember specific dates, but for a couple of days in February of 2015 we were also iced in on that island. No boats leaving. No boats coming. Iced in. Disconnected from the world. There was no warm sunny day at the beach.

Today, as the kids practiced writing in the sand, I closed my eyes and just listened to the water gently rolling in. The feel of warm sunshine on my face was just what I needed. Warm sunshine in February, surrounded by happy homeschoolers, the sound of the ocean swooshing into my favorite place in the world..........

Blessings to you.

Thanks for reading,

Island Momma

The First Chicken to Fly the Fence........

During our time living on a remote island, we acquired 3 Austrolorps, a beautiful, black, heritage breed of chicken. This breed, when happy and healthy, will have unbelievably beautiful black feathers with shimmery, emerald green visible in the sunlight. Unfortunately, before we made our move back to our hometown, we lost one of our ladies to a Hawk! So, we only had 2 ladies to load into lobster crates ( a fishing family's multi-purpose tool ), transport on the mailboat, load into our van, and travel down the coast with. Have you ever been on a boat ride with a chicken? Have you ever taken a 4 hour road trip with a chicken in your vehicle? You should, it would add a sense of adventure to your life, guaranteed!

Once we were a bit more settled in our new house, and we had a proper chicken habitat, our ladies were thrilled. New grass, new bugs, fresh salt air, a new coop, and a safety fence!!! Woohoo! So, when a friend phoned to see if we could house some more ladies, we were excited to add to our tiny flock. This time we opted for a small dog kennel to transport our 6 new beauties.

Enter 6 young, huge Rhode Island Reds! There was a brief window of slow, one at a time, introduction of the new ladies to our Austrolorps. A couple of days of caddy pecking to establish their hierarchy and now we have a happy flock of 8. These new girls have added more entertainment, eggs, poop, and mischief to our daily routine.......

Our ladies are free to roam, inside of the perimeter of our fence. We love them and want them to be happy, but safe. So, on the several occasions, since the Reds have joined us, that I have gone outside to find one wondering on the wrong side of the fence.....I go into chicken whisperer mode and scoop the rascally chicken up as quickly as I can. I have lost count of how many people have seen me, in my pajamas with messy hair and the whole bit, chasing chickens!

First chicken to fly the fence earned her name " Amelia Earhart". Well, she must have told her sisters how fun her adventure was, because it wasn't long before others were on the wrong side of the fence.....So, what to do? Say a prayer of thanks for the Internet! Google it! I found a YouTube video on how to clip their wings. This is a pain free approach to help keep them safe, inside the fence.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YfYcR8N8eAs

So, with the help of my gang of homeschoolers, I have clipped wings on more than one chicken. Until yesterday I had only opted to clip one wing on any offending chicken, and all had been well, but we found a repeat offender on the wrong side of the fence. So, I scooped her up, brought her in and clipped just a few feathers on the other wing.....Fingers crossed.

Next order of business: to Rooster or not to Rooster? That is the question?

Blessings to you.

Thanks for reading,

Island Momma

Oil Love

If you know me well, you know I love to be helpful. If you know me well, you know I care about the well being of others, sometimes to my own detriment. If you know me well, you know I think WAY too much. If you know me well, you know I will research topics I am passionate about, at lengths, sometimes in the middle of the night when I should be sleeping, but my overthinking, anxious brain has other ideas.......There is a point here, bare with me. So here are some choices I have made, for my family, based on said overthinking and late nights of research: We homeschool, we free range a small flock of entertaining chickens, we eat as organically as our budget will allow, we use doTERRA essential oils. These are choices that we are happy with. These are choices that are right for our family. This doesn't mean I will shove them down your throat or judge you for not doing the same. There is a lot to learn from our differences. So, here is where I am going with this. 1) I think you too might be very entertained by a small flock of backyard chickens, whether you get your own or visit someone else's. 2) Thanks to my new love for essential oils I can now maintain healthy sleep patterns, and I have support for the well being of my family. 3) Eat what you want it is your life, just maybe give your food a little more thought. You may learn something beneficial?? With regard to my essential oils adventure, my number one goal is to help. I am 99.9% sure you would be impressed by these little bottles of plant love. I happened to start this adventure while living on a remote island with a population of 55. So, 9 months in, I really can't say I have turned a profit on this business adventure. Do I plan to? Yes. Is that my number 1 goal? A resounding NO. I hope to empower others with knowledge to support their own well being. When I finally make it to a place of profit, my joy will come from knowing that I have helped others. Here's the other piece of my reasoning. I have opted to be a stay at home, homeschooling mother, wife of a fisherman, in place of seeking a career with my Bachelor's degree. So, if I can find an alternate income source, sharing something I am passionate about, helping others all the while, then why not? So, if I mention the oils to you, I am not coming at you with $$ signs in my eyes, I genuinely believe I can help. I will not push them at you. I will gently share them and my knowledge and leave you to decide for yourself. Just know this, if I didn't believe in these oils, I would not use them for my children. I protect them like a fierce wild animal.

Blessings to you.

Thanks for reading,

Island Momma

Weathering the storm

I lost count of how many times I dreamed of this reality. The dreams were so real I would often wake crying, wanting to go home. I can still rewind to the exact moment I learned that this house would be lost in foreclosure. I remember exactly how it felt to think of never calling this home again....... To be here again, to call this home again, to be in this house, this neighborhood, to look out at my beautiful cove, to chat with neighbors I have known my whole life, to share it all with my children.....To wake up to this reality now, everyday....There are not words to really touch the feelings with. Losing this home before, left a hole in my heart, it changed me. There was much bitterness that came seeping into that hole in my heart. Over time I got better at pretending it didn't hurt anymore. The hole that was in my heart is healing. I can feel the bitterness getting escorted out by smiles and good memories. My heart is shining again. I can look out at the beautiful cove from almost every window in my house, even from my pillow. I can feel my grandmother's presence here and it is a peaceful feeling I have missed greatly. This is the stuff fairy tales are made of. I have weathered the storm, for 12 years, and I would do it all again just to come home.

Life is meant to be an adventure.....

So, it is easy for us to get stuck in a routine, to set the boundaries of our life neatly inside of a box. To go out of our comfort zone can be very uncomfortable. In fact, some of us never go outside of the box. Others of us, from time to time, set out on an adventure looking for something with the promise of excitement. No matter what you choose, it is your life to live. This life holds an individual journey for each of us. Our paths cross at different points along the way offering lessons through the relationships we forge. On an offshore island, with very real, tangible boundaries, we can easily forget that there is a whole other world out there. This island living can, if you are not mindful, leave us to become too entwined in the lives of the other 54 people we share the island with. This island living is a beautiful, magical privilege. Island living is a culture. I have come to understand that each island has it's own culture.

I am an island girl born and raised. I understand that island living is a way of life that only the saltiest of us can endure and appreciate. When you are so deeply connected to an island, there is no other place that you feel truly at home. My husband and I, and our 5 little kids, committed to trying life on a new island. An island 4 hours away from the one we grew up on. This was a ballsy commitment. In the fishing world you are very aware of "territory" on the water. So for us to move our family from our home port to a new one took a lot of planning and lengthy conversation.

When you are from an island you feel a huge sense of ownership and pride for the beautiful rock you live on. You are connected to those you grow up with like they are all family. You fight like family, you party like family, and you are there for each other when the times get tough. Island people can be set in their ways, stubborn if you will. We are not interested in outsiders coming into our world and making any changes, because the way we do it is, "the way we have always done it."

So with all of this said, let me get to my point. Here is what I know for sure: * Appreciate every lesson as it comes * Life your life the way you need to live it * Let others live life, their way, as long as they are not harming you

There is more to this story, but if I told you the whole thing now, what fun would that be??? To be continued.............

Laundry, Blueberries, and HomeSchool

Another beautiful July day out here in the middle of the ocean. We woke to a dungeon of fog that was burned off by the sun mid-morning. This is a typical occurrence, indicative of tuna season!! From our perch up here on the hill, we do not see the ocean, but we can here boats all day. The perfect background noise for wild-Maine blueberry picking! We are onto our second freezer bag for the season, not including all we have eaten! The third load of laundry is about to go on the line. Nothing beats the smell of sun dried laundry. With the cost of electricity at $.35 per kilowatt hour......Line drying is the way to go for a family of 7, plus 1 with our visiting niece. Hanging laundry is a welcome chore for me. It guarantees me time out on my deck. I can feel the sun, the breeze if there is one. I can smell and hear the sounds of the ocean. I can also have a chat with my chickens.

Between loads I have managed to get some paperwork in order for the upcoming school year. It is time to submit test results, and letters of intent for the new home school year. Are we excited? You bet, we are going Waldorf this year. We are going to have fun. We are going to read, play music, get creative with art and handwork, get closer to nature, bake, and work on our math skills. We are going to do this together, on our time, at our pace.

More to come later, off to get that vitamin D while I get the laundry out..

Blessings to you.

Thanks for reading,

Island Momma

Homeschooling against the grain....

We have been a homeschooling family for four years now. When we made the decision to move to a remote island we opted to give the tiny, one room school house a whirl. Our three school aged children brought the school population up to seven. We thought such a small class size, with two teachers, would be a comfortable fit. Well, as time went on it just became clear that homeschooling just fits better, for us. Life on an island is complicated in many ways. The biggest challenge for us is to keep the food stock plentiful. A shopping day means that we all leave the island together on the Mailboat. In the off season the Mailboat makes only two trips a day. So we leave at 8:15 am and return at 5:00 pm. When the kids were in school here, this meant leaving part of our family behind, on a remote island, a boat ride away, with terrible cell phone reception between us......That leaves an anxious mother feeling very unsettled. Then there was the added obstacle of planning "trips off" (island talk for trips off of the island). Planning trips off revolved around the Mailboat, our fishing schedule, the weather, and the school schedule. So, for us, having one less entity, public school, adding to the feelings of isolation, equals relief.

We have begun to plan our new school year for 2015-2016 and we are so excited to have found the world of Waldorf. It just takes what we have already been doing and seriously fine tuning it. While doing my research I discovered this great support group, and great Waldorf Essentials curriculum. I would highly recommend this to any family interested in approaching homeschool from a Waldorf perspective.

The trouble with homeschooling on a tiny island is this.......The year round population of 55 depends on the public school for a handful of jobs. The seasonal population of around 350, depends on the health of a community to keep the island going. The school is an integral part of a sustainable year round island community. So, for us to take nearly half of the school population out, to homeschool.......left some ruffled feathers. In such a small community you are almost always VERY aware of EVERYONE'S opinions. Turns out, we are homeschooling against the grain. Turns out, these are my children, they do not belong to the island community.

Blessings to you.

Thanks for reading,

Island Momma

Salty Morning

The norm in this house is for the kids to start rising at 6:00am. We have been encouraging them to stay in their rooms until 8:00. This gives Momma (Daddy is gone long before) a chance to get her eyes open, a cup of tea, let the dog out, open the coop for the ladies, nurse the baby, and get our three year old settled in to something interesting. Then we all gather for breakfast and to map out our day. This fine morning, I rolled out of bed, with the baby in tow, looked at the clock........7:50???? What?? I cannot recall the last time that happened. What a gift. Could it be the fantastic essential oils? Well, in any case, I start my routine. I get the baby settled in the pack and play, the three year old settled, the "olders" (an island term for big kids) busy playing, and get my crocks on to head out to the coop.

As I open the door I am greeted with what is, hands down, the most comfortable smell, for me, on this great Earth, the sea. You might think that this is something I smell everyday living on an island. This is a smell that I miss when I travel away from the coast, and it is the first sign I am close to home when I return from away. The ocean is a short walk away on most days. However, there are days that are saltier than others. Today is one of those days. This is a sign of good things.

Blessings to you.

Thanks for reading,

Island Momma